Pit and the Legendary Ladies
by DrkVrtx
Summary: Join everyone's favourite angel on a brand new adventure! But how will Pit fare as he goes up not against the dark forces of the Underworld, but the sensual, alluring beauty of the Legendary Ladies?
1. Kiss The Queen

The clouds suddenly darkened and turned in on themselves as Pit soared through the sky, held aloft and true by the powers of the Goddess of Light. The spawn of the Underworld dived and circled around him, launching multiple attacks as they sought an opening in his defence, but his blade swept through the air time after time to meet them. He reeled in surprise, however, as the sky took its sudden turn, and even the swarms of Underworld creatures that sought to swat him out of the sky suddenly turned tail and fled.

"It's her," the Goddess of Light, Palutena, supplied.

"Medusa!" Pit declared, brandishing his blade as the Goddess pulled him up short to hang almost motionless in the darkened sky. A full, melodious chuckle rippled through the air and at a point ahead of Pit the clouds swirled around an invisible focal point, thickening and darkening as a giant hand reached up from its depths and seemed to clutch onto something Pit couldn't see, using it as leverage to pull up the huge form of the former Queen of the Underworld. Pit's eyes widened as Medusa appeared before him, casting her vast shadow upon the sky as she swept a wicked staff into view.

"Lady Palutena, what happened?!"

"What do you mean, Pit?"

"Isn't Medusa supposed to be, you know...ugly and vile?"

"Well, I'm sure she's still vile."

"B-but look at her! She's, um - "

"Pretty?" the Goddess asked.

"Different. Pretty different," Pit answered quickly, tugging nervously at the neck of his robes.

"Different? Interesting observation,"Palutena said. "Care to elaborate?"

"Uh..."

"I can hear you, you know," Medusa interrupted them, "and I do believe this is supposed to be _my_ moment."

"Oh. Right, well..."

"Twenty-five years, Pit," the apparently resurrected Goddess announced almost casually, her ethereal avatar raising its right hand to her eyes as though to inspect the state of her nails.

"That's a long time," he observed.

"Undoubtedly," Palutena agreed.

"Oh, we are of the same opinion," Medusa said, pointing her staff in Pit's direction, "and I have thought and dreamt of nothing else but you two in all that time."

"Really?"

"Why, of course, Pit," Medusa said, leaning forwards. Her presence brushed clouds aside. "Your name has been on my shattered lips for twenty-five long years. I have _yearned_ to see you again."

"Charming," Palutena muttered.

"Come then, little angel, won't you join in my festive celebrations?"

"Well, I wouldn't say no to a dish of - "

"Pit," Palutena interrupted.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Ahem. You came back at the wrong time, Medusa! Prepare to meet the Light!"

Medusa chuckled once more, tilting her head back as snakes stemming from her scalp swayed and coiled about one another in the air, several snapping in the direction of the floating angel, who yelped despite the distance between them.

"There are few things more satisfying than a bloodbath, Pit. Thanks to you and your precious Goddess, I have an aching thirst that must be slaked."

"Not now, not ever!" Pit declared, brandishing his weapon once more. "Lady Palutena!"

"Right. Let's go, Pit!"

The celestial wings at his back flared suddenly with light and he shot forwards toward the avatar of Medusa, lifting his blade to sweep it harmlessly aside. But the former Queen chuckled for a third time, though finally a malevolent tone rang true within it.

"Not so fast, Pit!"

Practically biting on his name as she spoke, Medusa swept her staff through the air, slicing straight through clouds which shrivelled and vanished in mere moments. Her face shot forwards with the speed of striking snake in the wake of the staff, eyes flashing like a star.

"Pit! Look out!"

"Ah!" the angel and the Goddess cried it unison a moment later. Pit's world vanished in blinding light, and he felt the sudden severance of his connection with the Goddess. The sky was filled with a shout of panic as the wings provided to him melted into nothingness and he began to fall.

"Lady Palutena! _Lady Palutena!_ "

* * *

"Lady Palutena!" trilled the mocking voice of Medusa, upon whose palm Pit fell a moment later. "Worry not, little angel. Your Goddess has forsaken you, but I shall keep you safe."

Pit yelped as he realised he had come into bodily contact with the former Queen of the Underworld. He jumped in fright, almost throwing himself clean off Medusa's palm before realising that that would no doubt spell the end of him.

"Calm down, Pit," she told him as her face swept down to loom over him, her eyes stark white and wide, lips curved into a smile that promised terrible things. "There's nothing to fear."

"Lady Palutenaaaaa?" Pit said as he both looked over his shoulder and tried to keep his eyes on Medusa.

"We'll search for your precious Goddess soon, Pit. But you must celebrate my return with me first. Twenty-five years, hmm?"

"I don't think I want to..."

"Nonsense!" Medusa cut across him. "You will enjoy it. I promise."

"You...promise?" Pit repeated. Medusa leered down at him as she brought her face closer still to him.

"This would be the part where the sensible spoil-sport I once called sister intrudes and reminds you not to trust me. Unfortunately for you, however, your voice of reason is not here."

Medusa chuckled once more and turned her palm upside down. Pit scrambled in vain for purchase on her skin before plummeting to the ground far below.

"Lady Palutenaaaaaa!"

* * *

"Hold him."

Pit returned to himself gradually, his eyelids sluggish upon trying to open them and his tongue heavy when tried to speak.

"Ugh. What's...happening?"

He tried to move but found his arms and legs strangely heavy too, pinned, he quickly realised, to a hard, rough surface. He started with a sudden, panicked jolt.

"Lady Palu - !"

"Quiet, Pit. You're ruining the moment."

The voice of Medusa seemed to fill his surroundings - whatever they were; he hadn't taken them in yet, such was his panic. The angel finally opened his eyes - both literally and figuratively - and saw first that he was pinned to what appeared to be a raised platform of rock, four Skuttlers planting their weight on each of his limbs to keep him in place. Next, he saw the broken ruins of buildings surrounding him, though there were no other Underworld creatures, or humans for that matter. Finally, he looked directly ahead and upwards as he found that his struggles to escape the Skuttlers were thwarted time and again.

Medusa, huge and terrifying in her majesty, stalked towards them. What Pit had thought to be only the former Queen's avatar was in fact her actual form, and so each of her footsteps - along with the thud of her staff that accompanied each stride - shook the very ground. Her shadow quickly fell upon and consumed him. But something strange was occurring with each stride; Pit narrowed his eyes as he observed it. Medusa was shrinking with each step she took closer.

"Behold," the Goddess said as she came within six feet of him, her current height now just a little under 6ft, "I am _magnificent!_ Wouldn't you agree?"

Pit gulped as Medusa spread her arms wide as though to offer him her embrace. Her skin was the palest white and Pit almost quipped that it would do the former Queen good to spend a little time in the sun. Atop her head thick strands of shadow were intertwined amongst the swaying snakes, all of which except one defiant orange creature were coloured a dark hue of green. Her ethereal locks seemed to fade in and out of reality in a patterned sequence, giving the impression that they were stirred by an eternal wind. Her toga, dark and yet seeming to glisten with a silky texture, covered all but a portion of the left side of her body, her shoulder down to her waist bared in sensuous fashion to the eye. Pit felt heat rise to his face as he noticed this when Medusa turned slowly on the spot, presenting her resurrected form to him.

"Am I pleasing to you, Pit? Had I possessed this form twenty-five years ago, I would surely have seduced the fight out of you."

He stared for the longest moment before recollecting himself.

"She's the enemy, Pit."

"I know, Lady Palutena."

"Then where are your eyes going?"

"Umm, I was...analysing the enemy!"

"Of course you were."

"I'm telling the truth!"

" _Ahem._ "

Pit started as Medusa's interruption returned him to the present scenario.

"Fascinating," she commented, "you are so dependent upon your precious Goddess that in her absence, you replace her with...yourself?"

"Ha ha. Umm, yeah. Kinda."

"I pity you," she told him plainly. Medusa walked towards him then; Pit's eyes widened as he renewed his struggle when the Goddess lifted her staff high into the air, as though intending to impale him where he lay. Instead, she slammed the staff down into the ground beside him.

"Do you remember when I said there are few things more satisfying than a bloodbath?" Medusa said as she once again loomed over him. "Just as you are able to know the power of your three wretched sacred treasures, there exists the power granted by the three potent liquids."

"Potent liquids?"

Medusa lifted her left hand, facing her palm to the sky as a small cloud of darkness coalesced there. "Wine," the Goddess spoke as the murky cloud solidified into a glass half-filled with a rich red liquid. Medusa lifted her right hand and the same darkness began to gather there. "Blood," she said as a vial materialised and was caught between thin, slender fingers that slightly shook it so that the thick liquid within splashed the vial's walls. "And finally -"

"Tomato juice?" Pit suggested with a distasteful grimace. Medusa paused for a long moment, and then the corners of her pale lips curved.

"Yes, little Pit, of course," she said, the glass of wine and the vial of blood vanishing in a puff of black smoke. " _Tomato juice._ "

"Carefulcarefulcareful!" Pit panicked as the Goddess retrieved her staff, caught the folds of his chiton with its ends and pulled the cloth aside. "Watch the sacred stones!"

Medusa paused.

"Sacred stones? Did Palutena help you christen them?"

"No, of course not," Pit started, before he realised the true implications of Medusa's words. He grew red in the face at an astonishing speed.

"I would never -!"

"Shh," Medusa murmured, in a soft, gentle tone that disconcerted Pit immensely for it both suited her perfectly and was simultaneously completely out of character. "This is the part they've all been looking forward to, hmm?" the Goddess said quietly as she teased the sacred stones with the point of her staff, Pit whimpering with each movement.

"They?" he said with an unusually shaky and high-pitched voice.

"Come now, Pit. In what other reality do I have you in this position and not murder you on the spot? I certainly would have no time or desire to be toying with the 'sacred stones'."

"Soooo maybe we could, you know, team up? Fight the power? Neither of us wants to do this. And I sure hope Lady Palutena isn't watching."

"Oh, I don't think so, Pit. This is a power greater than any of us, even the gods."

"But - but who would want this?"

"It doesn't matter, little Pit," Medusa said as she continued to tease the sacred stones. "Now..."

With a sudden movement, she tore through the cloth of Pit's chiton to a wild yelp of surprise. He struggled with renewed vigour against the weight of the Skuttlers, filling the air with a mantra-like 'nononononono!' as Medusa peered down at him, slightly arching an eyebrow.

"Pit, you disappoint me. Away," she ordered the Skuttlers, who moved immediately and in unison. Before Pit could even think to move and attempt to escape, Medusa had reached down and grabbed him. Hard.

"Owowow! It's sensitive please be careful!" Pit shouted out, grasping Medusa's wrist without thinking.

"Hmm," she hummed to herself, "you see? Twenty-five years. That's a long time, as you astutely observed. One forgets things."

"We don't have to do this!"

"Oh, I'm afraid we do. Unfortunately, I am not the one orchestrating this little scene. Now then..."

"Owowowow!"

"Goodness, Pit. I'm surprised you manage to keep your precious Goddess happy with this."

"I'm an angel! We aren't supposed to - Lady Palutena and I haven't done anything!"

"But surely you've thought about it?" Medusa suggested in a silky tone, looking up at Pit as she began to find her rhythm. A seductive, lopsided smirk shaped her lips as she leaned forward over Pit, planting her hand at the side of his head. "No? You've managed to restrain yourself? There are no, shall we say, _questionable_ fantasies lurking within that empty little head of yours?"

"No!" Pit vehemently denied, turning his face aside as Medusa leaned in close and the snakes atop her head snapped almost playfully at him. Her gaze was fierce and unrelenting upon him and he could barely stand to return it. And then there was her cool hand upon him, which had settled into a smooth, slow rhythm that was sending uncomfortably pleasurable sensations through his body.

"Okay! Okay, you've had your fun! I'm sure they - whoever _they_ are - are satisfied," Pit said in a shaky voice.

Medusa turned her head slightly, seeming to listen to a voice Pit couldn't hear. "It appears they are not", she reported to him in a plain tone. "It matters not. I don't imagine this will take too long."

"I really wish you would stop insulting my, uh..."

"'Sacred stones'?" the once Queen supplied, reaching down a little to give them a brief squeeze before lightly raking her fingertips along Pit's length as she stroked upwards.

" _Hnngh!_ "

"Almost finished, hmm?" she posed to him, pushing her hand tenderly into his mop of hair, and then using it as a firm grip to keep Pit still as he struggled against her touch.

"Surely you last longer for your dear Goddess. Or perhaps she is easily satisfied."

"I told you: Lady Palutena and I haven't done anythi - _hnngh!_ "

"Well then, here we are, Pit. You might as well take advantage of this opportunity as I am taking advantage of you."

"What?"

"Close your eyes," Medusa murmured as she lowered her lips to Pit's ear, "and pretend I am 'Lady Palutena'."

"No...No!" Pit shouted. "You could never be Lady Palutena. Not even in my imagination. You...you're ugly! You're just...big, and cruel, and really ugly!"

"Careful, Pit," Medusa drawled into his ear as snakes hissed and snapped a mere breadth away from the tender flesh of his face, "remember where you are, and what throbs ever so powerfully within my grip. I don't think Palutena would be pleased if you limped home lacking, shall we say."

Pit flinched as her tongue flicked out with the speed and precision of a serpent against the skin behind his ear.

"Relax, enjoy yourself," the Goddess murmured with a sultry hiss.

"Easy to say when you're on top," Pit retorted, his voice tight.

"Feisty," Medusa said, accompanied with a small laugh. "Imagine if we were not mortal enemies, Pit. I am certain you and I would share much pleasure together. I would show you things Palutena dare not even dream of."

She glanced down momentarily as the angel throbbed and twitched against her palm. Returning her gaze to Pit's, she rolled her eyes as he gave another pronounced "hnngh!"

"You embarrass yourself, and it seems you are at your end."

"I can't help it!"

"Evidently," Medusa returned. She leaned forward, overshadowing Pit as she pressed her lips against his. Snakes hissed softly around them and her ethereal strands of hair brushed along his cheeks. Her tongue, quick and powerful, pushed into his mouth and her kiss swiftly became hard and dominating, forcing Pit's massively inexperienced lips into instinctive action.

At the same time, the speed and pressure of her strokes increased, as well as a subtle changing of her method. It was as though she conducted a symphony, guiding Pit's senses to an explosive crescendo that would tear a groan, a shout - maybe even a high-pitched scream - from his lips.

In the end, Medusa decided she would not suffer to hear any of those things from him. She dominated the angel with a hard kiss and her tongue wholly claimed his mouth. Pit gave a sharp, sudden start as Medusa guided him to his peak, and she relished the vibrations as he groaned ever so deeply. The Goddess milked him with a slow rhythm of strokes as his body shuddered beneath her, gradually lessening the pressure of her kiss at the same time. They parted lips and Medusa favoured Pit with an intense gaze and an even smile as she leaned backwards, snakes swaying slowly atop her scalp.

"The third potent liquid," Medusa said as she stood to her feet proper, lifting her hand before her for Pit to see. Pit felt his face grow hot as he saw it, turning aside in embarrassment. Medusa laughed in cruel amusement, sweeping her hand aside as with the other, she reached for her staff.

"And now, Pit. It appears that you have served your purpose. Good riddance to you, wretched angel!"

Her face suddenly contorted with hate and anger as she spun the staff through a tight, intricate pattern before pointing it directly at Pit, a circle of white light coalescing at its point. Pit came to, locked momentarily in a daze after being on the receiving end of Medusa's ministrations, scrambling to find his feet as panic set in once more.

" _Lady Palutena!_ " he cried out desperately, for the Goddess had remained all but silent ever since Medusa had glared at him in the skies high above.

"Pit!" her voice finally – suddenly - reached him. "Thank goodness. I've been looking all over for you!"

"Wait, so you...weren't watching this whole time?"

"Watching? Watching what?"

"Nevermind!"

"Now hold on a minute –"

"Die, Pit!" Medusa shrieked, light bursting in dazzling rays from the tip of her staff.

"Lady Palutena, can we discuss about this later, please?!"

"Well now you certainly have me curious."

" **Lady Palutena!** "

"Oh _fine_ ," the Goddess finally complied, and before Medusa could torch him and the ground he stood on into a smoking crater, whisked the angel away.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Made some adjustments; the previous version of the chapter misrepresented the overall tone of the story. This is practically crack and not meant to be taken in any way seriously, including by yours truly writing it.**

* * *

"Wow, this castle is huge," Pit said, awestruck as his eyes tracked up the side of its tallest tower.

"They probably rushed to build it after Medusa's resurrection," the Goddess of Light surmised. "It's an impressive feat, to be sure."

"Should we really be giving the enemy compliments like that, Lady Palutena?"

"In this case it would be a shame not to," she replied. "I mean, look at that brickwork! I might have to get you to ask Dark Lord Gaol who the architect was. My Temple could do with some sprucing up."

"But your Temple looks great!"

"You mean the hot springs I had installed," Palutena said, "since that's basically where all your time is spent when up here."

Well…"

"Anyway," the Goddess interjected, "we're getting distracted. Every sixty seconds another few dozen humans are slaughtered fighting the Underworld forces and that doesn't look good on my resume."

"Right," the angel said with an eager nod. "Let's get to work!"

"Gaol is using the castle as a stronghold for Medusa's army," Palutena explained as Pit jogged towards its entrance. "Inside there are soul-crushingly evil monsters bent on crushing humankind underfoot and feeding on the hopelessness of the rest. Are you excited?"

The angel chuckled uncertainly. "Uh, sure. It's like throwing a birthday party, only the guests you've invited all want to kill me."

"I wouldn't do that, Pit."

He breathed a sigh of relief, hefting his bow in the same breath. "Thanks, Lady Pal -"

"I meant throw a party for you."

"Huh?"

"Not until you tell me what happened in the last chapter. You know how I feel about keeping secrets."

"I...actually don't," Pit said, brow furrowed.

"Oh right. That's because I haven't told you."

"So you're keeping secret why you don't like keeping secrets?"

A lengthy silence followed. The angel called up to the heavens in its wake.

"Lady Palutena?"

"Ow...Not so loud, Pit. You managed to give me a headache with that one."

The angel grinned sheepishly. "Oops. Sorry."

"No matter," the Goddess said, "I enjoy your rare streaks of brilliance."

"Um...thanks?"

"Anyway, stop dragging your feet and get going!"

"Yes ma'am!"

Pumping a fist into the air, the angel charged valiantly forwards into the castle.

* * *

Pit's journey through the castle was the usual affair of monster slaying, switch throwing and helpfully arrow-marked corridors so that he knew never to deviate from the one, linear path being taken through Dark Lord Gaol's vast, menacing fortress. But then inevitably, as the angel strode forward twirling his bow in hand, things did not go according to plan; Pit was faced with a dilemma when he emerged through another door triggered to open by a switch on the opposite side of the room. The path ahead of him...had suddenly split!

"Hmm," Palutena mused from on high, "I sense a disturbance in the forks."

"A disturbance?" Pit said, casting his head from side to side. The path branched into a pair of corridors, each of which seemed equally uninteresting. "What kind of disturbance?"

"There's a treasure box to the left," the Goddess informed him after a moment.

"What's down this way?" the angel asked, pointing towards the right hand corridor.

"Well, there's definitely no treasure that way," Palutena replied, "I'd sense it otherwise. Just like I sense how badly you want to open that chest to the left, now you know it's there."

"You know me too well, Lady Palutena," Pit chuckled, with a hop skip and jump proceeding down the path that would lead him to a shining, golden treasure box. The thought of one alone made him all giddy inside. What delightful mystery would he prise from its inanimate clutches?

"Yes, I do," the Goddess readily agreed, "but it helps that I can read your mind whenever I want, too."

Pit cheerily hopped, skipped and jumped into yet another unfamiliar room, hands out and fingers grasping eagerly for the treasure box at the other end of it. Then he gave pause.

"Wait, what?"

"Focus, Pit!"

The room suddenly morphed around him, shadows peeling off the walls and emerging from behind old, broken stone columns. The angel found himself surrounded by Underworld foes - and the treasure box was nowhere to be found. It had all been a trick!

"You could've told me this was a setup, Lady Palutena," Pit said, nocking an arrow of pure light.

"I didn't know!"

"But you can read my mind? Whoa!" the angel cried out, narrowly avoiding the spear thrust of a Skuttler.

"Through your laurel crown, yes," Palutena said, continuing in a mystifying voice. "I can see the contents of your heart and soul, and every thought that passes through your mind."

"Uh, every single one?" Pit said uncertainly, putting the last of the Underworld's scourge to rest with a feathered bolt between its huge, bespectacled eyes.

"Every. Single. One," the Goddess repeated. "And right now, I know exactly what you're thinking, Pit…"

A bead of sweat fell from his chin to the ground with an audible _plip._

"Treasure!"

The angel's brow furrowed after a long moment. "No I wasn't."

"I know," Palutena said brightly, "I was just kidding. But seriously, there's a chest or two around that corner."

"So you can't really read my mind?" Pit asked the Goddess.

"Not yours or anyone else's," she replied. "Not sure I'd want to be able to either."

"Why not?" Pit said, even as his eyes lit up at the sight of a pair of treasure boxes. "Sounds like it would be a useful ability."

"Who knows what impure thoughts you have swimming around in that head of yours."

"Hey, I'm pure!" the angel argued, setting down his bow so he could pop open the lid of the first chest. "And so are my thoughts."

"Oh, you shouldn't lie to a Goddess," Palutena said plainly, "especially one that does your laundry."

Pit blushed crimson. "I-I-I...Those are just...accidents!"

"So you're prone to, shall we say, _clumsiness_ when you're... _frustrated,_ Pit _?_ "

"That's it; interview's over," the angel firmly announced. "No more questions!"

"Oh no, Pit," Palutena crooned. "We're just getting started!"

* * *

"Oh, wow," Pit exclaimed, skidding to a halt, "look at that!"

"Oh, wow!" Palutena also exclaimed. "How did a _human_ make it into the castle?"

Said human was a tower of rippling muscle and extravagant tattoos, one of which travelled up the entire length of his right arm; an arm that happened to be wielding a sword - or perhaps even a club? - longer than Pit was tall. He hefted it onto his shoulder after swatting aside a poison spitting Shemum as though it weighed nothing at all, turning to face Pit.

"An angel?" the man boomed in a gruff voice. "Ha! Must be that damn snake got me and I'm breathing my last, eh?"

"Uh, no," Pit replied a little awkwardly. "You killed it pretty good."

"Great. Then I haven't kicked the bucket."

Pit looked around, puzzled. "What bucket?"

"It's a euphemism," Palutena muttered in his ear, as the human stared at him with a thickly arched brow.

"I've no idea what that is but I hope the bucket's okay."

"I mean it's just a saying. In this case, humans use it to avoid saying 'die'."

"Huh. That's weird," Pit said after a moment.

"You're weird, angel face," the man said, turning as a fresh batch of Underworld foes streamed into the room. "So you gonna help me fight or keep talking to yourself?"

"Oh, sorry about that. I'm Pit," he said quickly, "faithful servant of the Goddess Palutena! I'm here to defeat Dark Lord Gaol."

"Ha!" the man barked. "So you're here for a slice of the pie too?"

"Pie?" Pit said, darting around the fangs of a Shemum and slicing its head clean off. "I can't smell any pie."

Palutena muttered in his ear again.

"Oh! Oh, no. I'm not here for that. I'm here to protect humanity from the Underworld's brutality."

"Are you a bard in your spare time?"

"What?"

The man squashed a Specknose flat with his club-sword. "Nevermind. You're the angel here; I get it. Me though? I'm in it for the money."

"That's not very morally upstanding of you," Pit said.

"Right," the human said, scheduling an emergency appointment for a Skuttler's face with the heavy sole of his boot, "but I'm sure your moral code will be enough to cover the both of us, angel face. Speaking of, since we're both here to take out Gaol, what say we do it together?"

"I don't know about that."

"Hey, what've you got to lose?" the man shouted across the room. "Not like you gotta worry about getting stabbed in the back at the end of the job. You don't want any of the money, right?"

"Um, right..."

"Well?"

The angel turned to his ever faithful council. "Lady Palutena, what do you think?"

"Right now, Pit," she replied conversationally, "I'm thinking about how you and I might need to sit down soon to talk about the birds and the bees."

"The birds and the what?" Pit said, yelping as he almost losing his head to a Skuttler Cannoneer's shot in the process.

"Bees."

"What bees?"

"It's another euphemism the humans use."

"Birds and the bees?" Pit repeated, confused. "What in the world is _that_ a euphemism for?"

"Knocking boots," Magnus suddenly interjected, looming over the angel's shoulder.

"Argh! Don't creep up on me like that! And what are knocking boots? Are they for telling jokes?"

"You've gotta be kidding me."

The man promptly shoved the startled angel out of the way. The fangs of a Shemum cleaved the air between them. Magnus' club-sword followed it, delivering with a satisfying _splat_ its messy end.

"'Knocking boots' is yet another euphemism, Pit," Palutena said, and he groaned aloud.

"Why can't humans just say what they mean?"

The Goddess only chuckled.

"Well, what _does_ it mean, the birds and the bees?" Pit inquired.

"You ought to ask Magnus," Palutena suggested. So he did. The answer was not what he expected.

"How old are you, kid?"

"I'm not a kid!"

"Huh, you sure look it."

"I'm older than you are!"

"Still, I'm not all too comfortable about answering that..."

"Just tell me!"

"Alright, fine. But your Goddess better not be getting ready to smote me from up there."

And so, finally, Magnus told him.

"You want to talk to me about WHAT?!"

The angel's outburst was sudden, blowing through the crumbling dust of a Skuttler's body he had just slashed in half.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Pit," Palutena said. "It's completely natural –"

"Nope."

" - to want to –"

"Nope!"

" – become intimately familiar with pretty girls. Or maybe, pretty Goddesses?"

"Okay, that's it," the angel declared. "We're not talking anymore."

"Oh, Pit," Palutena chuckled, "don't be like that."

"We're not. Talking!"

"Relationship issues?" a gruff voice boomed. Pit jumped, turning quickly to face the man. In the process he noticed that they'd both managed to finally clear the room.

"Yeah," Pit answered glumly, "I guess you could say that."

"Ha! Welcome to mankind's plight, angel face," the man said, clapping a large, bandaged hand to Pit's shoulder and almost buckling his knees. "Some say the gods took a vow of silence; others say that we went deaf. All I know is neither has said 'how do you do' to the other in ages. Name's Magnus, by the way."

Pit extended his hand in kind, only to have practically his whole forearm shaken.

"Keep those arrows of yours pointed anywhere else but in my direction and we'll get along just fine. Let's hop to it then, shall we?"

The angel nodded and as Magnus turned to lead the way, hopped right after him.

* * *

"Pit?"

He jogged along behind Magnus, stubbornly keeping his mouth shut.

"Piiiiiit? Are you giving me the silent treatment?"

"Yes. I mean –"

The angel bit his tongue and fumed when Palutena giggled. Pit clenched his jaw so hard it hurt to stay quiet. Also, all this walking through the castle was beginning to develop a serious ache in his thighs.

"How much further?" he called to Magnus, the human plodding along without apparently breaking a sweat or puffing heavily between determined scowls.

"We're getting close, I think," the man added after a small pause, glancing over his shoulder. "Hey, what's with the angel face?"

"Huh?"

"You look like you're plotting to pocket that reward money for yourself after all."

"Oh. Oh! No no no no, definitely not," Pit said, shaking the mop of brown hair atop his head emphatically. "I'm just, uh, tired. That's all."

"Angels get tired, huh?" Magnus said gruffly.

"If we work too hard."

The man pointed to the faint hint of a bruise blossoming across Pit's shoulder. "Looks like you'll feel it if you take a beating too."

Pit self-consciously rubbed his arm, grimacing slightly as he recalled taking a stray hit two rooms ago.

"What exactly are the perks of being a heavenly being then?" Magnus asked. "Doesn't really seem anything like it's talked up to be."

"We can fly!" Pit said immediately, and then his wide, beaming smile faded. "Well, not me."

"Why not?"

"I don't really know. My wings just don't work like they should," Pit replied, fluttering them in vain.

"That's rough."

"Yeah," he sighed heavily. "I need Lady Palutena's help, otherwise I'm grounded."

Magnus looked down at him, the two now walking side by side, though for every one of the man's lengthy strides Pit had to make three to keep up. Something of a smirk grew across his face.

"I thought you and the Goddess weren't on speaking terms lately."

"We're not," Pit said, his expression at once shifting to reflect his earlier declaration.

"Ha!" Magnus barked. "That's how it starts. Sometime down the line, you won't even remember why you were angry with the gods in the first place, but you won't be asking why since you made that dumb promise one day never to talk to 'em again. If there's one thing that lasts forever, angel face, its pride; stupid pride that gets you into stupid trouble. Gonna learn to fly by yourself with deficient wings, are you?"

"Yeah. Well. Whatever," Pit said, struggling to maintain his scowl. "What do you know about it anyway?"

"Lost my kid to the Underworld, blamed the gods and never looked back," the man said. "That's why I'm here talking to an angel in the middle of an enemy fortress - which is in the middle of the bloodiest battle humankind has ever fought."

"...Oh."

"I know, right? Look, you want my advice," Magnus began as they stepped through into yet another new room, this one seeming to double up as a sort of balcony that curved along the outer wall of the castle, "you should -"

"Hey, a treasure box!" Pit exclaimed. And so it was, sitting there unassumingly with a pristine, narrow strip of red carpet leading up to it.

"That's obviously a trap," Magnus said.

"He's right," Palutena suddenly chimed in. "I can sense it, Pit. _It's a trap!_ "

"We're not talking!" he shouted, and promptly charged ahead with eager, outstretched hands.

Several seconds later, he and Magnus were surrounded by a colourful assortment of Underworld minions. The treasure box was nowhere to be found. The human looked at him with a severely arched brow.

"I can't help it," Pit said in defence of his actions, "when I see one I have to open it!"

"You mean your Goddess didn't even warn you either?"

"I wasn't listening," Pit grumbled.

The man shook his head and hefted his club-sword. "I really hope you're a special kind of heavenly messenger with that attitude, angel face."

Pit bristled. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

A gang of cannon bearing Skuttler tottering threateningly towards them robbed Magnus of the time to explain.

* * *

Pit was puffing by the time he and Magnus made it up to the top of the spiralling walkway. Meanwhile, the man was staring at the tall set of doors that stood before them with a wide grin, club-sword resting on his vast shoulders.

"This is it, angel face. You ready?"

"I...need...a minute," Pit gasped in between deep breaths, holding up his hand to helpfully indicate the unit of time. He felt like he was going to keel over at any moment, knees wobbling and legs feeling like jelly.

"Sure, we can wait," Magnus said, "though just so you know, while we do the Underworld's army is out there mopping up the rest of my kind."

Pit stared up at the man, too tired to even think of a comeback. "Alright. Fine. I'm coming," he said, and reached for the God's Drink conveniently placed next to the doors of the Dark Lord's throne room. He wondered who kept leaving them around. Either way, the angel downed the contents almost in one, wiping his arm across his mouth afterwards. "Right then," Pit said seriously, fully refreshed, "what's the plan?"

"We go in and smash Gaol to bits."

Pit blinked. "Whoa. Pretty simple. I can work with that."

"Good." Magnus grinned again, raising his boot and pointing the sole right at the crack betwixt the throne room's doors. "Let's go!"

* * *

"Prepare for defeat, Dark Lord Goal!"

"Ah, Palutena's little messenger boy. And Magnus, always a pleasure!"

Gaol greeted them with a flourish of his crimson cape, revealing himself to be a Dark Lord of grand, magnanimous scale. Swathed in armour steeped in cursed evil, twin horns shooting out from either side of a fearsome helm, Gaol's voice was distorted so heavily by the sheer darkness inhabiting his being that it sent a sharp chill rippling up the length of Pit's spine. He turned to Magnus, shivering.

"You two know each other?"

"What?" the man said distractedly. "Obviously. I've been telling you about it all the way up here."

Pit frowned. "Wait, no you haven't."

"You got a short attention span, angel face," Magnus replied gruffly. "I told you; Gaol and I used to be part of the same mercenary band, but then Gaol got whisked off by some Underworld spies and trapped in that armour."

"I definitely don't remember being part of that scene," Pit fired back.

"You did take a couple knocks to the noggin."

"Are you here to fight me, Magnus," Gaol interrupted them, "or entertain my court by arguing with a child?"

"I'm here to take your head and earn myself a pretty penny," the man replied, grinning as he took a step forward. Sparks spat in every direction as his club-sword dragged along the floor.

"Ha!" the Dark Lord belted out. "We'll see about _that!_ "

"I'm not a child!" Pit cried out, but by then no one was listening.

The throne room was shaken by the first epic clash of man and metal gauntlet. Magnus' vast club-sword, after cleaving through and crushing minion after minion with ease, finally met its match. Gaol was not moved an inch by the practically inhuman strength Magnus mustered and threw at him. Pit, however, as he ran forward to aid the man, was blown back by the shockwave of the impact.

"Is that all you've got Magnus?" the Dark Lord taunted. "You always were a disappointment."

"Not the impression I got the last time we enjoyed each other's company," he replied with a smirk. "Hell, if I remember right you could barely walk straight -"

"Graaaagh!"

Magnus and Gaol clashed again, and again. Pit could barely take a step forwards without being knocked off his feet. A heavy crimson cape swished through the air and clouted him across the face when the angel once managed to get close enough to even begin thinking about placing a strike. And just what on earth were those two gargantuans of combat even talking about in between floor splintering blows and electrifying clashes of mettle?

"You still think I was kidnapped, Magnus? I left! You could never satisfy me!"

"Hard to believe with you always sneaking into someone's tent in the middle of the night!" he shot back.

"Curse youuuu!"

"Pit!" It was the voice of a Goddess, suddenly ringing in his ear as he skidded back across the ground for the fifth time. "You should try a different approach. Hang back and support Magnus from a distance!"

The angel's face scrunched up in stubborn determination; he launched back into the fight with even more passion after pulling himself to his feet, not a word spoken in response to his heavenly council. Magnus and Gaol clashed again as he was halfway across the throne room towards them.

"Pit!" It was the voice of a Goddess, suddenly ringing in his ear as he skidded back across the ground for the sixth time. "You should try the exact same approach. Charge headlong into battle and support Magnus right in the thick of the action!"

The angel's face scrunched up in stubborn determination; Palutena had no right to tell him what do! He ignored her sagely advice, lifted his bow and began peppering Gaol with powerful bursts of arrow-light.

It took a while to wear the Dark Lord down, enough time for Magnus to finally begin showing signs of fatigue. Sweat was dripping down from the man's brow, a glistening sheen upon his bulging biceps as he beat his club-sword down on Gaol's weakening defences. Pit's endless volley of arrows, which began as a mere annoyance the armoured Dark Lord easily shrugged off, gradually chipped away at Gaol and in unison with Magnus' sheer strength, served to help finally overthrow him.

In a blinding burst of brilliant light, Dark Lord Gaol fell, and his dark armour shattered around him.

Her.

Her?

"Gaol was a woman?"

Long, wavy brown hair was strewn around her face, which hung limply to the side. Her eyes were peacefully closed.

"Is," Magnus corrected Pit, laying down his weapon at her side. He crouched down behind her head. "She's not dead, but the armour's curse still has its hooks in her."

"She's...she's a woman."

"Heard you the first time, angel face."

"But, I thought - I mean I expected..."

"Assumptions will get you in trouble, every time," Magnus told him plainly, hooking his hands underneath Gaol's armpits. "Now, are you gonna help me wake her up or not?"

"Of - of course," Pit said, nodding.

"Good to hear," the man said, and then in one smooth motion bodily hauled the unconscious woman free. One who had apparently been utterly nude beneath her armour.

"Argh!" Pit cried, throwing up his hands in front of his face.

"What's your problem?" Magnus' perplexed voice carried over to him.

"She's naked!" the angel said.

"So why is that _your_ problem?"

"Because -! Well...I-I don't...I don't know really."

"Makes even less sense to be upset about it then," Magnus told him. "Besides, I can see you peeking."

His face growing warm, Pit ever so slowly lowered his hands. "Uh, sorry," he muttered, struggling to keep his eyes averted.

"Don't fret over it," Magnus said. "Gaol wouldn't mind you looking anyway, trust me."

The form of the woman was in stark contrast to the armour she had been separated from. With glowing cheeks and nervously fidgeting hands, Pit found it increasingly harder by the moment. To avoid looking at Gaol, that is. She was very pretty. Before he realised it, Pit's eyes had travelled the length of her body, tracing soft feminine curves and the hard lines of lean, toned muscle. She almost certainly had a practiced sword arm.

"It's a powerful spell she's under, borne straight from the darkest depths of the Underworld," Magnus was saying, jerking Pit out of his reveries. "You know, it's pretty fortunate we crossed paths. Only one thing in the world will break this curse."

Pit held his breath as the man turned to regard him, wearing an unmistakeably intense look. "Well, what is it?" he finally asked when the Magnus didn't speak.

"Angel spunk."

Pit blinked. "Say what now?"

"What, now?"

"You've got to be joking," Pit said, shaking his head.

"I'm deadly serious," Magnus replied. It showed on his face.

"I've never heard of the cure to a curse being... _that_ before. There has to be another way."

"Sure, there might be, but by the time you and I pool our intellectual resources together to figure out what it is Goal will be long gone from this world. We'll probably join her in old age, too."

The angel was silent for a long moment. "Hey! What are you saying?"

"Look, Pit. She's is my closest friend, my right hand woman. I need you to do this, for her sake."

It was the first time the man had actually used his name. It gave Pit pause. Pause enough to glance longingly at Gaol.

"Well, it is one of the three potent liquids..." the angel murmured in recollection.

"So you're up to the task?" Magnus said. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

"Uh, y-yeah," Pit said, red as a tomato in the face, "I guess."

And on tip-toes he began shuffling forward. Magnus stopped him in his tracks.

"Hold on, angel face."

"Huh?"

"Aren't you supposed to be performing some grand deed to demonstrate your spunk?"

Pit stared at the man blankly. " I thought..."

Magnus was smiling oddly. "Remember what I said about assumptions?"

The angel began to turn an even brighter shade of red. He was practically giving off heat. "Oh..."

"Pit?" Palutena suddenly spoke. "I'm pretty much 101% sure Magnus is pulling your leg."

"What?" he said, looking down. "No he isn't."

The Goddess sighed. "I meant, he's playing a practical joke on you. He wanted to make you look silly."

"Hey," the angel whined, "why would you do that? I thought we were getting along!"

Magnus' grin was much more apparent now. "I assume your heavenly council just filled you in?"

Pit opened his mouth to answer, then took a moment to think. "You shouldn't make assumptions, remember?"

"Got me there, angel face."

"And yes, you were trying to make me do something stupid, weren't you?"

"Almost worked too," Magnus replied, "if it wasn't for your meddling Goddess."

"She doesn't meddle," Pit said firmly, folding his arms. "She gives everyone room to do what they want, but when they're really in need she does the best she can to aid them. That's why I'm here helping out!"

"Wow, that's a really nice thing to say. Thank you, Pit!"

"No problem, Lady Palutena."

Magnus simply smirked. "Well, time to bring Gaol back to the land of the living."

"But how?" Pit asked.

"Watch, and learn," the man replied.

Moments later, the throne room was filled with a piercing scream. Flailing fists beat back a chortling Magnus into hasty retreat, a shrill woman's voice cursing him.

"You damn brute! Did you have to do that?!"

Pit didn't have a single clue what 'that' was until Magnus' massive frame shifted, revealing the suddenly conscious form of Gaol. She was sitting up, and her nipples were bright, bright pink. The woman touched them with a wince.

"Gods, Magnus, why don't you just twist them right off next time. Ow..."

He laughed. "It was the only way. I'm sorry."

"To hell you are," Gaol retorted, massaging her breasts with a scowl.

"So I don't get any thanks for waking you up from an evil, eternal curse?"

"No, but you'll get my fist in your face if you pucker those lips at me again."

"Ha!" Magnus barked, throwing his head back. "I missed you."

Gaol muttered as he embraced her tightly, swathing her much smaller form. "Yeah, yeah. Sure you did, you big numbskull. Hey, who's that?"

Magnus released the woman and turned, subsequently re-exposing her utter nakedness to the angel he was about to introduce, who was already standing awkwardly having suddenly become the third wheel to the rapid, familiar exchange between friends.

"This is Pit," the man said, "faithful servant of the Goddess. Couldn't have gotten here and handed your ass to you without his help."

Gaol shoved him. Magnus' arms flailed through the air as he rocked back on his heels, quickly losing balance and falling onto his butt with a pronounced 'Oof!'.

Meanwhile, the woman had found her feet, slightly wobbly on them at first before moving forward towards Pit. He swallowed as she approached, as surreptitiously as possible adjusting his robes. Gaol stood in front of him, hands settled on her hips and her blue-grey eyes sparkling with almost child-like enthusiasm.

"Wow. An angel, huh? I always knew you guys were real!"

Pit sheepishly chuckled, scratching the back of his head. That hand was quickly pulled back down when, despite all efforts, his eyes began to drift downwards. The top of his head was level with Gaol's naked midriff, the taller woman grinning down at him apparently unaware of his very real plight. "Well, I better make sure to thank _you_ properly then," she said, and before the angel could say a word, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him straight into her chest.

Pit was in heaven, and heaven was a soft, warm, somewhat sweaty place. But he sure didn't mind. Not one bit. In fact that one bit was _really_ happy to be here. Maybe a little too happy. A strong pulse through Pit's core snapped his eyes open.

"Oh no," he said, or tried to. Difficult to enunciate words with a face full of tit. Which was why he pulled back out of a sufficiently surprised Gaol's arms and screamed -

"Lady Palutena!"

\- and promptly disappeared in a column of light and scattered feathers.

* * *

"So..."

"..."

"I don't really know what to say."

"Can - can we just forget this ever happened? Please?"

"Well, I'm not so sure about that."

" _Lady Palutena._ "

"Okay, okay! I promise. Now go and change your robes before they really start to smell."

Pit wore a puzzled look for a long moment, and then he gave a long sniff. Horror crossed his face seconds later. With a whining cry he scampered off into the Temple.


	3. Tickled By Thunder

"...and let me remind you Pit: she's the enemy."

"Uh huh," the angel said in absent-minded reply, staring up at a spot in the sky where the lightning wielding warrior had just resided.

"Pit, come on. There's still work to do."

"Okay. I'm going now."

"...You haven't moved. Pit? Pit!"

He jumped. "Huh? Huh?"

"Your eyes are out of focus and you're blushing like an idiot."

"What?" the angel exclaimed, coming to himself with a sudden start. "No I'm not. I was just - ah, planning my next step. Yeah!"

"Do you remember in Chapter 2 when I told you I could read your mind through your laurel crown, and then I laughed and told you I was joking?" Palutena said.

"...Yes?"

"It was a joke. _Then_. But I can make it a reality, just for you."

Pit practically snapped to attention. "Nonono, that's fine! I'm back on the job, Lady Palutena. 100% focus. Armed and ready for action. Also, super cute!"

"Vanity is unbecoming of you, Pit."

"Are you saying I'm not cute?"

"What I'm saying," Palutena said, giving the angel a mental slap on the backside, "is that you need to get a move on!"

He yelped, clutching his stinging posterior. "Hey! That wasn't necessary."

"What's necessary is that you _look at what's in front of you, Pit!_ "

A Boom Stomper emerged from the shadows of the hallway ahead, a trio of Lethiniums tottering along in its wake. A noise of surprise escaping his throat, Pit fumbled to bring his Divinity Bow to bear.

The angel could hear Palutena mumbling irritably as he pelted light arrows down the hallway. It was more than apparent that she was not too happy about one of Viridi's commanders flirting with him, but he was sure the Goddess' cheeks would have shone red had she heard what said commander whispered as she zipped past him faster than even Palutena could track, only for his hearing.

He hoped the Goddess was still bluffing about his laurel crown.

* * *

The angel skidded to a stop as he entered the room with a rather flashy entrance (if he did say so himself); however, the rather impressive speech that he'd been crafting on his way here to accompany it spilled from his lips in a stuttering outpouring of incoherent mumbling as he caught the lightning warrior, as the saying goes, with her pants down.

Well, to be more specific, she was presently peeling one of the white sashes that covered a short, plain black vest slowly off of her bare shoulder.

"Argh!" Pit cried out, covering his eyes immediately, "I didn't see anything Lady Palutena!"

"Kindly explain the minute separation between the fingers of your left hand," the Goddess replied sweetly.

"I'm not peeking!"

"I never said you were, Pit, but thanks for telling me."

"Oops..."

The lithe young woman looked over her shoulder as the angel filled the room with chatter, a curved smile on her lips as amethyst eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Couldn't even give me time to take a shower, huh? Now I have to fight you all _hot_ and _sweaty_ ," she finished with a small pout.

Pit swallowed hard. "Well, umm, I could just wait outside?"

"You know, it's rude for a man to rush a lady. You have to be patient with her, give her the time she needs to get ready."

"Oh, for goodness sake," Palutena groaned. Pit could practically hear her eyes roll.

"Well," he said hesitantly, tugging at the neck of his chiton, "technically, I'm an - "

"An angel," the young woman finished, turning to face him as she slipped her arm back through the sash. "You are rather cute," she said, tilting her head a little and surveying him with glittering eyes, "however, you're also a rather annoying little pest, running around the place destroying my lovely crystals. That was cruel of you. Now, allow dear Phosphora to teach you a lesson!"

"So that's her name," Pit mused. "Phosphora..."

It really rolled right off the tongue, like music to the ear. In fact, he so busy liking the sound of her name in his own voice that he didn't notice -

"Pit, look out!"

Clearly the time for banter was done, for Phosphora charged straight at Pit with an obviously lethal attack. Her outstretched right arm was sheathed with sizzling electricity as she aimed, it seemed, straight for his heart. A panicked dash to the side saved his life, but only just. It was more the trip and fall when his sandals caught an uneven slab of stone that did it, actually.

"What was that?" Pit shouted at the young woman. "Did you just try to kill me? I mean, _seriously_ try to kill me?!"

"Why of course I did," Phosphora replied, turning to face him, though her eyes were pointed at the hand which she had again sheathed with lightning. Electricity crackled harmlessly all over her body, even rising up to her eyes and dancing upon their surfaces. Squeamish, Pit grimaced at the sight.

"But - but - " he started, before glancing around surreptitiously and covering his mouth his free hand as he leaned forward, muttering in a hoarse voice, "this isn't...serious, is it?"

Phosphora, on the other side of what had become an arena of battle, laughed softly. And then suddenly she was right in his face, moving so swiftly that Pit stared at her for a full second or two before realising what had just happened.

"We have our orders, you and I," Phosphora said to him, a moment later thrusting her palm into his chest. Somehow, through some sort of crazy instinct, Pit managed to catch her wrist before she struck him. Phosphora raised an eyebrow, looking down at their point of contact before seductively lifting her gaze to meet his.

"Impressive. Perhaps I should add 'agile' and 'oh _so_ strong' to the list too, huh?"

"Ha, ha ha," Pit laughed nervously as a sheepish grin curved his mouth.

"Of course, I also have 'dead' written down on said list," Phosphora added casually.

Pit's eyes went wide. "But - but you said –"

"Not here!" Phosphora exclaimed suddenly, pressing a finger to the angel's lips, a finger that so happened to almost shock his face numb.

"Pit, what are you playing at?" Palutena suddenly chided from above.

"N-nothing!"

"Then stop fooling around and finish her off."

"I will!" the angel promised quickly.

"Will what?" Phosphora asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh," Pit said, realising that the Goddess had spoken only for his hearing, "finish you off."

It took a moment, but Phosphora grew a small smile and winked. "I think I like the sound of that."

The lightning warrior planted a foot into his stomach, ripping her arm from his grasp as she kicked him away. Pit winced as he slid to a stop, pressing a hand tenderly to his stomach. He yelped a moment later when he realised he had almost been kicked into an electrified barrier mere inches away from his current position. Gritting his teeth and emitting a grunt of determination, Pit raised his Divine Bow and swiftly took aim.

It was immediately evident that such a weapon was the entirely wrong one to have chosen to take on this mission. In fact, Pit was already teetering on the verge of complaining to Lady Palutena that Phosphora was overpowered, to which she would probably say 'I told you so' for accepting the Fiend's Cauldron's ludicrous challenge in the first place. He was certainly paying for that choice now.

Phosphora easily manoeuvred around the Divine Bow's shots, darting left to right in an intimidating approach towards Pit. Reaching him, she leaned away from his desperate swipe with the Bow, catching his wrist as he overextended his strike. From there, she planted a shocking palm thrust to Pit's stomach, doubling him over, followed by taking his legs from underneath him. She pulled hard on his wrist as he yelped and fell, drawing him upwards into a rather vicious strike to the stomach once more.

Palutena winced audibly. Pit gasped breathlessly as he collapsed to the ground. Phosphora merely smirked as she placed her hands on her hips and surveyed the fallen angel.

"How d'you like that, ma'am?" the young woman asked with a mischievous grin, looking up in the Goddess' presumed general direction.

"Ma'am?" she repeated. "You _do_ want to start something, don't you? Don't make me come down there, young lady. It _won't_ be pretty."

"Ha, that's alright, 'Lady' Palutena. Three's a crowd, as they say."

"Now what does that mean - ?"

The commander raised her hand into the air and electrical activity exploded within the room. Lightning arced across the ceiling, along the walls and around Phosphora and Pit, thick heavy clouds began to gather, circling tightly around the focal point of the warrior wielding it. Pit, pulling himself to his knees, looked around in confusion as the sky invaded the room and everything darkened around him. Phosphora stood at the centre of it all, electricity racing across her body as she struck a menacing figure, bending - it seemed - the heavens to her will.

"What - what is this?" the angel said as Phosphora finally lowered her hand. She returned her hand to her hip as she looked down at him.

"Try calling your Goddess," she said, "I'm sure she's dying to help you."

"Um, okay? Lady Palutena. Lady Palutena?" Pit said, looking up and around in bewilderment. "I can't sense her. Am...am I dead?!"

Phosphora rolled her eyes. "No, Pit, you're not dead. This," she said, gesturing, "is my patented Anti-Goddess Detection Shield."

The angel looked around himself. "I see."

"And of course," Phosphora sighed, shaking her head, "he doesn't get it."

Pit shrugged and grinned weakly.

"This," Phosphora gesturing again to the thick grey dome of clouds around them, "grants us poor underlings a moment of privacy and peace from our respective Goddesses. I love Mistress Viridi, I do, but she can be a little...persistent. And so we have this."

"So, they can't find us here, or hear us? Or see, or smell, or - "

"No."

"Oh," Pit said, clearing his throat nervously as Phosphora graced him with a heated gaze.

"Now then," she began, lifting a hand to the sashes that covered the short black top beneath, "I do believe I made you a promise."

 _I can show you a good time, Pit. Here we are, two overworked servants...We deserve a little break, wouldn't you agree?_

The angel swallowed a hard lump in his throat as Phosphora casually dropped the two thin sashes to the ground. Now that things had slowed down - in particular Phosphora, Pit was finally able to take her in properly. Her body was slender and toned, bared proudly for his eye to appreciate but for a pair of white shorts, the small top and black bandages wrapped around her arms and legs, though her shoulders and thighs were left exposed. Pit's face grew warm as he saw that Phosphora's body glistened with a sheen of sweat, and that she was breathing rather heavily.

Blonde hair, shaped like a crescent and tipped evenly with red fanned out behind her head, lifted slightly by a wind Pit couldn't seem to feel. It stirred the blue scarf that was wrapped delicately around Phosphora's neck too, small arcs of electricity racing along its surface. Phosphora knelt down to meet him, swiftly establishing control as she pushed him down flat on his back and straddled him. She caught the wrist of his left arm, squeezing until he winced and the Divine Bow fell from his grip before interlacing their fingers together and pushing his hand to the ground beside his head.

Her kiss was hard and without preamble. Pit's lips had no other choice - or desire, but to respond. A muffled yelp came from his throat a few moments later though, as well as his eyes snapping open. Phosphora drew her tongue from his mouth, breaking the kiss and gracing him with mischievous eyes.

"'Shocked', Pit?"

Phosphora turned her ear to the angel's mouth as slurred mumblings came from it.

"What's that? You love this sensation and you want more? Well, I can only oblige," the young woman said, grinning. Pit struggled to get out a reply, but his tongue was heavy and unresponsive in his mouth. Phosphora pushed her free hand underneath Pit's chiton, voicing her own surprise as her fingers danced across the contours of his body.

"Oh my, Pit. I thought you to be a scrawny little angel. You impress me."

"Wu...Well," Pit started, finally regaining control of his tongue, "I do work out."

"I'm certain of it," Phosphora replied, tracing charged fingertips along Pit's stomach and feeling the slight rise and fall on his abdominal musculature.

"It's true. Three times a week and a healthy diet – mmph!"

She pressed another deep, heavy - and unfortunately for Pit, charged kiss on his lips, pushing her tongue slowly into his mouth and claiming it as her possession.

"Here I am, all hot and bothered and sweaty," Phosphora said when she broke away, "and I don't think I have the willpower to listen to your prattle this time, Pit. I just..."

She shifted her body, lying on her side beside him. She released his hand, pushing her now free arm underneath's Pit's head to prop him up. Her leg snaked over his, her skin slick, smooth and cool against him. Exploring fingers turned south as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

"...want to have some fun," she finished, finding and very lightly tracing a path down Pit's length. "Can we do that, my little angel?"

"Please, not the sacred stones!"

"The what?'" Phosphora laughed softly as she closed her teeth gently upon Pit's ear. "Please don't tell me Palutena makes you call them that."

"No!" Pit adamantly denied, his face growing red at the suggestion. He grew heated a few moments later for an entirely different reason as Phosphora drew her fingers from the base of his length to the tip, sending pleasurable sensations rippling through him.

"Look alive, Pit," Phosphora cooed, "I've been kicking butt all day and I'm incredibly tired. You won't make a lady do all the work now, will you?"

She moved her hand, taking his free hand in hers and guiding it to her stomach. Then, she brought her own to the exact same position on his body. She locked eyes with him, raising an eyebrow and the corner of her lips invitingly.

Phosphora's pattern of exploration matched Pit's perfectly as he timidly began tracing a path along her sweat-slick, toned body. She was firm and yet yielding beneath his fingers. Nervously, he lifted and poked his fingers beneath Phosphora's tight black top, finding small breasts beneath and hardened buds. He gasped as he felt a light shock run through his body as Phosphora pinched his nipple.

They soon journeyed south together, both undeniably eager. Pit clumsily so as the sense of anticipation stacked higher and higher. Phosphora held his eyes with her hot, sparkling gaze and Pit felt like he would burn underneath it. Her lips were moist and inviting, enough for him to capture if he dared. She was enjoying tempting him with them, he was sure. She was waiting for him to give up resisting first. Pit didn't think he was going to be able to resist for much longer. This was not exemplary angel behaviour that was for sure.

Fingers and hands reached their ultimate destinations; Pit slipped beneath Phosphora's shorts as she took him into her loose fist. "Mmm," the young woman allowed a low moan to escape her throat, "that's good..." Her eyes briefly closing as her lower lip slowly peeled away from her teeth.

"Really?" the angel said, glancing down. "Are you sure? This is my, uh, first time, after all."

"Pit, I swear. Shut up."

And then her lips fell upon him once more, though this time, she didn't shock him into muffled silence. Tongues, wet and heavy, danced, pushing from mouth to mouth in a lascivious display. Phosphora established a tortuously slow and stimulating rhythm as she stroked Pit, one he didn't think he was going to last through. He took a deep breath and pushed into her in return, drawing low moans from her throat that brought pleasant vibrations to their heated kiss.

"Pit," Phosphora panted heavily as she broke their kiss, "oh _Goddess,_ what are you doing to me?"

"Something...good?" he said, watching heat rise to Phosphora's face and her eyes slide in and out of focus.

"Don't you dare stop," she told him fiercely as he curled his fingers with each thrust. "Don't you _dare._ "

His wrist was beginning to cramp; however, Pit was afraid she might legitimately kill him if he paused for even a moment, judging by her expression. A moment later, an intense _hnngh!_ escaped Pit as Phosphora picked up the pace, dancing along his length as electricity danced across her skin. Their moans and groans intensified and grew more frequent as they approached their peak, that sweet release that would send them utterly reeling and blast them straight into a world beyond the need for comprehension. But then the clouds surrounding them began to part.

"Pit?" came the distant, muted voice of Palutena, "Pit, are you there? Where are you, Pit?!"

Phosphora looked up, startled. And then just as quickly a fiery anger swept across her features. Swearing, the space around them exploded with electricity. Pit yelped and pulled his arms back unto himself, shielding himself from Phosphora's shout of frustration.

"Goddess be damned!" she yelled, looking right at Pit as she rose to her feet as though this was all his fault.

"Sorrysorrysorrysorry!" Pit rapid-fired, curling his body up in fear of Phosphora lashing out at him.

"I can't be found here, not with you," she said, reaching down and quickly grabbing the sashes she had discarded.

"Did you have to add that last part?" he whined.

"What did you say?" Phosphora demanded, spinning on her heel to face him.

"Nothing!"

"Ugh!" she remarked irritably, and then literally vanished from sight.

"Wow," the angel said, hurriedly re-arranging his chiton. A small part of himself was just as frustrated as Phosphora and refused to settle down. He cast his eyes wildly about for the Divine Bow as Lady Palutena's voice became clearer, adopting a prone face-down position as he grasped it in hand.

"Pit, there you are! Goodness, I was so worried. Are you alright?"

Pit groaned in 'pain', slowly opening his eyes to find the Goddess kneeling in front of him.

"Ugh, I'm alright," he said, carefully rising to one knee.

"I couldn't sense you, what happened? And where is Phosphora?"

"She...got away."

"'Got away'?"

"I'm sorry, Lady Palutena," Pit lied, avoiding her eyes. "She was too strong."

The Goddess began wringing her hands. "This...this is terrible. Don't you know what this means?"

"Huh?"

"You've broken the sequence!" Palutena exclaimed, rising to her feet and shaking her head, fidgeting furiously.

"I...what?"

"How are we going to continue after this, Pit? It's all scripted. You're supposed to defeat Phosphora, and then we move on to the next chapter!"

"But –"

"And sequence breaking is a crime punishable in seventeen different heavenly states! Oh, the Elders won't be pleased, not one bit."

"I..."

"Oh, it's no use. We - well you - have to face the music. Come on," she said, holding out her hand for Pit to take.

Bewildered, dazed, and somewhat sexually frustrated, Pit mutely reached out and accepted his Goddess' hand.


End file.
